Aunt Flo Is Not My Friend. Period.

I had promised my father that he could come to work with me. I work in an Assisted Living Facility. When I work upstairs with all the able bodied, sounded minded people in their apartments I can't bring him. I have been working up there a lot lately. When I work downstairs in the locked Alzheimer's Unit with the common room I can bring him. I finally got sent downstairs so I asked him if he wanted to come with me. He had been before and is a big hit with the ladies.

I usually leave for work an hour and 15 minutes before I have to get there. The facility is on these amazing grounds and I like to walk around before I start my shift. I am never late for work. Today, I knew that I wasn't going to be walking so I planned to leave a little later. I had forgotten how hard it was to get my father out of the house.

Thirty minutes before we were to leave, I said just that. He said he was ready. As I got myself together I called down a fifteen minute warning. I was downstairs with three minutes to spare. I said, "Ready?" . My father stood up. Now where was his cane? I found it on the downstairs bathroom window ledge.

He stopped to read a bit of Yankee Magazine as I am shaking my keys. I said, "Dad, are you ready?"
"Yes I am ready!" he replied sounding a little annoyed as he continued to leaf through the magazine. He was standing up, which was something, I guess. I said, "We are going out the back door."
"Oh". He walked toward the kitchen. As he passed the table he stopped and started pushing a sponge across it. I was by the door. "Dad, we really have to go."
His indignant, "I am coming!" made me laugh. I finally got him out the door. I was going to be late for sure.

As I was securing both our seat belts I felt this dull pain in my back that was beginning to intensify. Great. My period had started at that very moment. I had to go back inside.By the time I got back outside enough time had elapsed for my father to wonder what the matter was. He was walking back to the house looking for me. I got us both back in the car, and started for work.

I know, gross. I mentioned my period. TMI,fellows? Well, Hear Ye! Hear Ye! This is a very real and annoying "condition" that effects every non pregnant woman of a certain age for about a week each and every month. It is a bloody nuisance is what it is.

I can stay silent and stoic on the situation no longer. My back aches and I get horrible cramps and I bleed like a stuck pig. It is 5 to 6 days of hell. Obviously, I get through them but I am not all that pleasant. My immediate reaction to my period is to become annoyed. I usually pick a fight with whoever is nearest or I silently stew.

I was silently stewing on my disastrous drive to work with my father. CarTalk was on NPR. I had saved a to-go cup from LaSalle Bakery where I had taken Owen the day before. I rinsed it out and filled it up with black coffee. Take a guess what happened. I did not put the lid on properly and I spilled hot coffee all over myself while I was driving.

At the very moment I was burning myself instead of enjoying a little sip of joe, my phone rang. I had just changed my ringtone to "ABC" by The Jackson Five. I have a new cell phone and I didn't like my ring. ABC was one of the choices, I thought it would be funny. I had it up really loud. I had just taken a long walk that morning. I was listening to This American Life on my Ipod so I wanted to be able to hear the phone if it rang. I had forgotten to turn it down.

It was all very startling. I had to pull over and re-adjust. My father was totally bewildered by all this chaos. CarTalk prated on. I dried off with an old shirt of my husband's that we keep under the driver's seat.I fixed the lid, I still had over half the coffee left. I let the phone pick up. It was Fabio. I would explain everything to him later. Believe me, I was the LAST person that he wanted to speak to at that moment, he just didn't know it.

I started down the street again. Within five blocks, as I was wincing in pain from a sudden sharp cramp in my stomach and having the sensation of hot searing daggers in my lower back, my right contact fell out of my eye. Come on. I pulled into the Dunkin' Donuts parking lot to retrieve the lens.

My father had a million questions. He thought I was getting more coffee to replace the stuff my uniform drank. I explained to him that my contact had fallen out. He asked, "Where did you last see it?"
No he didn't. Oh, yes he did!

The Love.